I’ve been able to talk with one of our Veterans/supporters multiple times. His wisdom is something that I value tremendously. In one of our conversations, we talked about my paralysis. And how far I have come in the last 34 years. It’s hard to believe it’s been 34 years. But, this November is exactly that: 34 years. Anyways, we were talking about being able to move forward with what happened to me. And I remembered a time that really hit home with me. A time where I felt like life was not going to be worth living. There’s only been a handful of times like that. And those all took place during the first few months. But that was one of those times. One that stands out. One I will never forget.
Since I was 20 years old when I was going through physical rehabilitation in Colorado, I had to sign paperwork for myself. Release paperwork. Paperwork that said the hospital would not be responsible if something happened to me during certain tests. Back then the MRI was a big deal. Because the magnet could pull metal. My neck had wires in it. Still does. This one particular time, my arms were just starting to come back. And I could not sign my name on a piece of paper. I did not have the strength to do so. And it rocked me. Literally shook me. That’s how bad my condition was. Not being able to sign something. How did I get to that point? What have I done to myself? But that was my reality. And I felt anger. I felt sorrow. I even felt shame. Ever feel that?
This world is broken. Whether we want to believe it or not, it is broken. And shame is part of that brokenness. And if we allow it to, we can let it become part of our identity. And that is unfortunate. Often times, shame will be the result of sin. And that is a natural thing to feel. But we can’t let it linger. We can’t let it define us. Because if we do, we can allow shame to dictate our actions. And that could include more sinful actions. And that will divide us from God. And we don’t want that. Something that is so powerful about our God is this, with Jesus in our lives, we can overcome anything. Including shame. With Jesus in our lives, the cross makes sense. And what I mean by that is this…His sacrifice for us will not be in vain. His sacrifice covers our sins. His sacrifice can cover shame. And then that will allow us to grow closer to God. Strengthen our relationship with God. And move forward in our lives with God.
